Without descending into a predictable screed regarding the myriad of ways that social media can be poisonous trash, I'd like to concentrate on a particularly pernicious sentiment I see floating around the on the topic of forgiveness in the social media sphere:
I see a whole lot of "you don't HAVE to forgive in order to heal" and, also: "you don't EVER have to accept an apology from someone who has done you wrong, fuck them!"
On the surface, these ideas make sense. After all, we seem to be much more interested in ourselves as victims than as potential perpetrators, and the good old fundamental attribution error makes it rather easy for us to turn anyone who wrongs us into some kind of maniacal tyrant (much in the same way that everyone's exes seem to be "textbook narcissists), as opposed to a typically nice but occasionally flawed person who, generally speaking, only does wrong out of fear or error (like ourselves).
That being said, perhaps, in the spirit of honest evaluation, we can take a look at the other side of the coin. If you've screwed up, and you're trying to make amends, remember that even your most sincere apologies and heartfelt attempts at reconciliation or restitution essentially only put the ball in *their* court, nothing more. You don't have to sit around in utter agony hoping against hope that you'll somehow be forgiven for your misdeeds. Nobody has that kind of power over you unless you give it willingly. You can be understanding, and you can try to avoid bitterness, but don't think for a second that you can't start to be a better person *right now* just because the people you've wronged aren't interested in accepting your apology. Your conduct is your own, and it is yours to own, and contingent upon nothing else.
You don't have to put your life on hold in order to torture yourself; as a matter of fact, if you do take that ill-advised approach, you might begin to develop toxic anger toward the very recipients of your intended apology! Letting this kind of simmering guilt and shame turn toxic and shove you deeper into self-loathing and depression is a horrible solution to the problem at hand. You simply aren't bound to the person (the old you, if you will) you're trying to heal and no longer embody, just because those you've wronged can't or won't forgive you. It may be even harder to accept the idea that their reasons may well be perfectly understandable and even justified. You might not want to hear that, but it doesn't make it any less true.
Now that we've gotten that out of the way, I also want to say this: Don't let it stop you. Doing the right thing is always a worthy endeavor. Seek forgiveness. Make restitutions, if possible. Then move on, accepting the consequences of the past, and try your hardest to be someone different, someone better, someone capable of learning and growing and putting those lessons you've learned into action. That's what is truly owed - both to yourself, and to everyone else.
