I was born with two club feet. My first surgery was at nine days old (I've had several over the course of my life). It took me a long time to learn to walk without braces. I wasn't supposed to play sports, but I pushed really hard and spent the bulk of my early childhood playing basketball and everything else under the sun until, inevitably, I'd severely re-injure myself (including one that almost killed me in the 90's).
My feet have hurt my whole life. Foot pain, along with childhood trauma, were the primary factors in developing a reliance on, and later, an addiction to, pain medication (I later found my way to heroin, but that's a story for another time). Various opiods and benzos were wonderfully efficient in helping me remain upright. However, kicking them (been clean a long time) was no easy task and learning to live with the daily pain has never been as difficult as it has in recent weeks, with my pin slipping and my arch collapsing. The problem with surgery? If I get back on those meds, I'll die. I'm sure of it.
Pain. Some of us have an intimate and grotesque relationship with it. Mine causes frequent suicidal ideations. I made it through 2018. Fingers crossed for next year.
I wasn't allowed to join the military. Couldn't keep playing sports. Wrestling, MMA and Baseball are no longer possibilities. I can barely stand for an hour to play an acoustic set and I used to OWN the stage. So.. For now, I'll do what I've been doing and what I suppose I'll always do.. I'll stretch them for 15 minutes when I get up, I'll put on my braces and I'll go to work. What other goddamn choice do I have?
